Teaching Families by Example
Every person, and every parent, has habits that they wish they didn’t. These can be mild, nervous things, such as chewing fingernails. They can also range into serious addictions. And when we become parents, we want to pass the best onto our children. We may not want our children to chew their fingernails (even if we do), but, more importantly, we want them to avoid destructive behaviors . . . even if we’re prone to them. We want our children to be like us, but we would have them be like our good parts, and not our bad parts.
Mormons believe that change is possible, that bad behaviors we may have learned as a child, as an adult, through any source, can be put aside. If we became addicted to cigarettes as a teenager, we can take steps, through prayer and scripture study and support from friends and family, to quite smoking. If we become addicted to pornography, we can look away, discard the filth, and fill our lives with the gospel of Jesus Christ – with the life-affirming rather than the life-degrading.
This is not to say that change is easy or instant. To be a member of the Mormon Church, raising a family in the Mormon faith, is not and never to be perfect. Even if we lack common or easily identified addictions, we will probably have hard changes to make. After all, we all want our families to be happy ones of love and understanding, where our children are unselfish and kind to each other. But a hard day at work, a frustrating phone conversation with a salesman, a mess the dog decided to make on the floor – this can all add up to losing your temper at your spouse, or a child, or even on a friend or stranger. We can, without meaning to, show our children an angry or confrontational pattern of communication. This is just an example. We can do too much for our children and give in whenever they ask for something. Or constantly avoid things that make us uncomfortable.
Can we change all of these things? Will we, if we carefully watch ourselves and do only the best in all situations (if we can figure out what the best is), be able to parent children without flaws? No. We will make mistakes and we will make mistakes often. But what Mormons believe is that life is a series of progressions and we should always be trying harder to do what we should do and be what we should be. That in our lives that must be taken out (addictions, abusive behaviors) must be taken out, mind. The Lord has given us weaknesses, as well as strengths, to teach us humility, but we must be very aware of what we does that hurts others. We can never excuse abusing our children, even if we were abused as children. We can never excuse teaching our children, by example, that drug use, or viewing pornography is okay, even if we say it isn’t. Our children are more likely to do what we show them, rather than what they tell them.
And what do we do about the greyer lines? How do we decide what movies our children should watch when they’re young – and whether we should watch movies we don’t want them to see? These are matters of prayer and the guidance of the Holy Ghost.
The best way to change, the best way to keep our lives as good examples to our children of our faith and of how we would have them live, is to fill our lives, and theirs, with good things. Daily family study from one of the Mormon books of scripture, family prayer twice a day, faithful family church attendance and, when the children are old enough, going to one of the Mormon temples as a family to do work for your ancestors – these are all things that bring a family closer together, and closer to good things. For serious problems, such as abuse or addiction, talk to your Mormon bishop about finding your way to repentance.
You may not be Mormon, but some of these precepts may prove useful in your life as well.
